Ganondorf vs Goddess
by Cheesy Corn Chowder
Summary: When Palutena alights, she and Ganondorf fight. Anti-PalutenaxGanondorf fic. Rated K for violence.


In 2008, a young angel gleefully went to the Smash Mansion. His name was Pit, though many mistakenly called him "Kid Icarus," after his game of origin. Upon receiving his invitation to the Smash Mansion, he gleefully went off (with Palutena's permission) to the mansion to take place in one of Nintendo's greatest get-togethers of all-time. He arrived at the gates and happily pranced along the dirt road. The Master Hand opened the door for Pit and invited him in to mingle with the others. He looked around and was amazed at all the iconic characters he saw. He was among Mario, Link, Samus, and Pikachu. He could not have been happier.

His happiness was short-lived, however. One of the first people he encountered was a tall, green-skinned man with orange hair. Pit bumped into him. "I'm sorry, sir," Pit apologized. The man looked down at Pit.

"Well…" he said, "What do we have here?" He bent down and looked at Pit.

"I'm Pit. I'm the…uh…newcomer from Kid Icarus…sir."

The man grabbed Pit by the throat. Pit was horrified for his life. "I'm Ganondorf. And the first thing you should know is that nobody messes with me." He lifted Pit up by his throat. The angel boy tried to wiggle out of Ganondorf's grasp. "Because when people mess with me, I get angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry." He pulled Pit in close to him. "Got it, angel face?" He dropped Pit on the floor.

Once Ganondorf walked away, Pit commented, "What a jerk."

Zelda helped Pit up. "Don't mind Ganondorf," she said, "he's not the friendliest of people. They say it's because he's had to copy Captain Falcon's moves in order to join us."

"Is he like that with everybody?"

"Not really. Most people avoid him."

"Maybe I should employ that tactic…"

That proved to be useless later on when Pit had to go up against Ganondorf. Pit and Ganondorf were set to fight each other. Pit thought of how mean Ganondorf was when they first met and was determined to teach him a lesson about kindness and friendliness. Pit got his bow, specially commissioned by Palutena, and prepped himself for the fight against Ganondorf. The two entered the fighting room and watched for what stage they'd be on. Final Destination was selected.

"This is great, Pit thought, "He'll have a hard time dodging my projectile attacks if all we have is the one big platform and no obstacles." He and Ganondorf went onto the stage. Pit teleported in from a beam of light and Ganondorf stepped through a dark portal.

"3! 2! 1! Go!" the announcer yelled. The two began duking it out. To make a long and poorly-written fight scene short, Pit got his ass handed to him. "The winner is…Ganondorf!" He stood laughing evilly with his arms crossed. Pit angrily applauded him.

"It's not fair," Pit thought, "He was using very advanced dark magic. A little light angel like me could never beat him." And so Pit went to his room and got onto his bed. He began crying at how badly he was beaten.

6 years later, Pit received wonderful news from Master Hand. "Pit," the giant hand told him, "There's someone new to the mansion that I think you'd like to see…"

"Who is it? Is it my friend Simon?"

"No, not Simon…You'll just have to come downstairs with me." Pit followed him. Standing by the door was a tall woman with long, green hair.

"Lady Palutena!" Pit ran over to his goddess and embraced her. "Oh, Palutena! It's so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you, too, Pit," Palutena said, "How have you been?"

"I've been really good! I got to meet Mario and Link and Samus, and I got to see my old friend Mega Man, and I met this beautiful girl named Rosalina…"

Palutena laughed, "Slow down, Pit. You don't have to tell me about all 6 years in 6 seconds."

"Right, right. Sorry about that. Let me show you around." Pit took Palutena on a personalized tour of the mansion. He introduced her to his friends and to the Hands, and to some of the Assist Trophies. As Pit neared the end of the tour, he saw something that horrified him: Ganondorf was walking down the hallway. He wasn't paying any attention to Pit or Palutena, but that didn't stop Pit from hiding behind Palutena.

When he walked away, Palutena commented, "Who was that and why are you so afraid of him?"

"That's Ganondorf," Pit explained, "He's a big bully and he beat me up really badly a few years ago. Now I'm really scared of him."

"Is that so? Well, I'll have to have a talk with him." Palutena walked after him.

"Palutena, no!" Pit tried to warn her.

She tapped Ganondorf on the shoulder with her staff. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I want to have a talk with you." Ganondorf turned around.

"Who are you?" he flatly asked.

"I am Lady Palutena, the Goddess of Light and ruler of Skyworld."

"Well, Palutena, I happen to be Ganondorf, King of Darkness."

"Why would you want to be a king of something so awful?"

"Because being evil is fun," he laughed.

"Maybe for you, but for others, it ranges from obnoxious to hurtful and damaging. Pit, the captain of my army, tells me that you've been a bully to him and the other people here."

"Yeah, yeah. What's it to ya?"

"I'm going to put a stop to think kind of behavior. If Pit couldn't teach you a lesson, I will."

"Good luck with that, you puny goddess." He walked away. Palutena growled angrily.

"See, Lady Palutena?" Pit asked her, "He's just really unlikable."

Soon it came time for another fight. The Smashers all sat in the waiting room together, anticipating who would go and fight. The announcement was made that it would be between Palutena and Ganondorf.

"No!" Pit screamed. Palutena stood up and started walking to the fighting room. "Lady Palutena, I beg you! Don't go! He almost killed me; he'll **destroy** you!"

"Pit, I can't let that man be so rude to everyone. Someone has to teach him a lesson and I'm going to be the one to do it."

"Noooo!" Pit cried as she walked away.

In the room, Ganondorf taunted Palutena. "I'm gonna crush you even worse than your little chicken, Pootytenga. I got some new special moves I'm gonna show ya." He took out his sword. "I wonder how I'm gonna clean your goddess blood off this when I'm done…"

"That's cute, Ganondork," Palutena replied, "I also have some Custom Moves of my own and I'm not gonna show you any mercy. Or blood!" The stage was revealed: the Omega form of Palutena's Temple. She laughed triumphantly.

She entered the stage through a divine door and he entered through a darkness portal. Mr. Mobus yelled, "3! 2! 1! GO!" and the two were off. The two of them began punching at each other like a couple of fighting machines. Ganondorf grabbed Palutena with his Flame Choke. She then hit him with her staff getting back up. When he was falling, she used Celestial Firework to hit him up higher. With this height advantage, he used Wizard's Assault to drop right onto her. She dodged his attack.

"Foolish goddess," Ganondorf laughed, "I am only toying with you!"

"Yeah?" Palutena replied, "Well, toy with this!" She used Explosive Flame against him.

Though it did damage him, it didn't do so by much. "Pitiful," he chuckled, "simply pitiful." Palutena charged at him with Angelic Missile, which he stopped with his Warlock Blade. Palutena fell onto the ground. He taunted her by holding aloft his sword and staring at it. "Much better than my Ganon Punch."

"I can't let him beat me," Palutena thought. She saw a bright flash and a gasp from the audience. The Smash Ball had arrived. "At last! Here's my chance!" She got up and raced for it.

"Do you really think you can beat me?" Ganondorf commented. He also ran after the Smash Ball. The two of them began hitting it, hoping to break it open. Ganondorf used a Reverse Warlock Blade on the item, almost shattering it.

"If he breaks it open, it'll all be over," Palutena thought, "I have to teach him some manners or else he'll still be such a bully to everyone!" She saw it float over her. "Only one thing to do…" She used her divine powers to create a large beam of light. It hit Ganondorf and knocked him back and broke the ball open, giving Palutena its super abilities. She looked at Ganondorf. "You shall be purified!" Ganondorf ran towards her, hoping that he could hit her hard enough to knock the power of the Smash Ball out of her. "Watch this," she said, jumping off the stage. "Black hole!" Ganondorf found himself being sucked into a large black hole. It didn't swallow him, but it kept him from moving. "And Mega Laser!" He was struck by a large laser beam that racked up damage like crazy. He was blasted off the stage as Palutena returned. She spun around on her staff and laughed as he was knocked off the stage and off the screen.

"Game!" Mr. Mobus yelled.

At the winner's screen, Palutena said, "Nobody can hide from the light!" Both a taunt towards her fallen foe and a warning to those who would dare do wrong with her around. Ganondorf reluctantly applauded her.

Once back in the waiting room, Pit ran over to Palutena. "Oh, Lady Palutena," he exclaimed, "I was so worried about you! I thought for sure he was going to KO you!"

"It's alright, Pit," Palutena said, "I'm fine. I'm okay. And I don't think Ganondorf will be pushing you or anyone else around for a long time."

When Ganondorf walked in, he looked at Palutena. Pit, still afraid of him, ran away. "Well, goddess, I guess you had some fight in you." He grabbed her by her wrist armor. "I like that in a woman." He leaned in close.

She kneed him in the groin. He let go of her and grabbed his aching manhood. "What makes you think I would ever be attracted to someone like you? Only an idiot would think something like that!"

Zelda, upon seeing that, asked Pit, "Is she like that with everybody?"

"Not really," the angel replied, "Most people try not to be jerks around her."


End file.
